i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
