I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
