Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
