her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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