now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
