Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
