it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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