we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
