some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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