every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
