my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
