Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
