she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
