Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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