i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
