My liver just broke up with me...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
