you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
