Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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