I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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