I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
