good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
