I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
