Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
