foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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