Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
