i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
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