my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
