He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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