i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It's official drugs can't kill me
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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