The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
