i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
