you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
