i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
