Buhtt sex?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
