Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Let's paint friendship bongs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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