The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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