I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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