We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
