he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
