Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
