it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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