How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
