just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
