i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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