Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
