and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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