Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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