What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So much Jack, so little girl.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
