Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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