I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
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