You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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