Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
